Thursday, November 30, 2006

How did I get here?

There are moments where I find myself wondering, how did I get here? This is not a question of the origin of species, whether or not I was created or I came from a monkey or even a single cell organism, obviously God created me.
Nor is it a question of how did I end up in North Battleford? Or maybe how did I end up in Calgary? Or how did I end up going to CBC? No, this is a question of "what has led me to this moment, why do I feel the way I do? What has caused my specific emotions of this moment? What has made me happy? Sad? Contemplative?
So I am finding myself wondering the answer to this question at this moment. You know, it's so incredibly hard to imagine that God uses my screw ups, my huge mistakes and my little mistakes, to somehow bring glory to himself. I am so incredibly thankful for that, because that says that my life is not a waste, which it otherwise likely would be were it not for grace.
My good friend Mike, whose blog you can be linked to on the right side of this page, recently wrote about how he's been reading some of Yancey's stuff. I've not read any for myself, but he quotes from "The Jesus I Never Knew". Talking about dependance, sorrow, repentance and a longing to change as the way to Christ. Those are so not atractive qualities to the majority of people.
Who wants to be with someone who is dependant, seems weak, admits wrongs, wants to be broken hearted? But how can I not be like that, or want to be like that? Those are the results of the grace of God. I can be dependant on him because of his grace, I can be healed of sorrow, because of his grace, I can experience godly repentance beacuse of his grace, and receive forgiveness because of his grace.
Grace...grace is how I got here...Grace is the answer to all those aforementioned questions. How did I get here? Grace. How did I get to experience happiness? Grace. How did I become sad? Oddly enough, grace...Any emotion, is given to me by grace. It's how I deal with stuff. The Psalms is the perfect example. Tremper Longman III is a super intellectual, he taught my Psalms class, which was a great class by the way. He pointed out at one point that every human emotion can be found in the Psalms...
That sets a precedent for it to be ok to experience those emotions, those are God given things. Jesus experienced them, he wept, he laughed, he got angry, he loved. God gave/gives us our emotions to help us through things, to help us cope. Tears are an outlet, laughter an outlet, words an outlet, music an outlet...All given to us by God.
So how did I get here? Only by the grace of God that I may be broken hearted for those around me, that I may be filled with grief because of my sin, that may experience joy because of God's goodness.
God's grace is how I got here...he didn't cause me to sin, or make me do anything, but he has allowed me the grace to rebound, to live.
Thank God for grace.


Shle said...

I really like this entry, it made me think alot. I never thought that it's ok for me to feel sad because it's by God's grace that I feel that.. anyways.. thanks for the input, also, I wish I had your prof for my psalms class, cause I feel like it might have been alot better than when Rick Love was the prof..

Keep the great writing coming

Fran said...