I will not likely write too much this time around, but I am hoping to post stuff on this one a little more often than on my previous blogging attempt.
I just got back from a retreat at a camp with a bunch of other youth pastors, the Youth Pastor's Retreat as a matter of fact. I've been once before as an intern, and I loved it then, it's a blast talking with other guys doing the same thing you do and learning a few things along the way. It was slightly different this time around because I was not an intern and so I kinda felt left out in the cold in some ways. I'm only a part time worker in my current youth ministry, which isn't a bad thing, but it's just somehow a factor that plays into the way you connect when at such a gathering.
I also have this problem with connecting with adults, I have no problem talking with youth and making them feel welcome or just having regular conversation with them, but when it comes to adults, it's like this weird curtain comes down in front of me and I pretend like nobody can see me. I'm not really sure why that is.
Regardless of that junk, the point is, I learned a few things over the last couple days, some things that are positive things that are really exciting to think about, but some things that are slightly frightening to ponder because you know it's going to take work that you don't want to do.
I find it interesting how God gives us perspective from so many different sources. It could be just listening to others conversing around you about different aspects of life and ministry and a light turning on in your mind, or maybe it's a sermon illustration that gives you a different angle on something you've known forever, or even the thoughts that come into your own mind that make you step back and observe yourself and realise there's a few things that needed attention last month but somehow you forgot all about it (I'm talking about stuff about yourself, not junk you have to do). God reveals himself in ways that will likely not ever really make sense to me, and the ironic thing is, I'm ok with that. The irony of it is that I love to know everything, and so not knowing something normally throws me way off of where I should be, but this time it doesn't.
It's tough admiting things about yourself when God does actually reveal them to you. It's hard to admit that I'm prideful, that I have little discipline right now, that I seek attention like nobody's business. Interesting how those things are rarely hidden from others like they are from us.
Perspective comes from weird places, but then the real issue is....what happens when you gain that perspective? Do you ignore it and keep going (all too often that's me)? Do you allow that change in thinking to persuade everything you do? Do you pray and ask God for the direction and action towards a nobler goal?
I think there's some pretty obvious wrong answers and unfortunately some pretty ambiguous right ones. It's fun figuring life out isn't it?