I know, I know, the last thing that I should be doing is writing another shpiel on here, but it's not going to be long.
I'm doing custodial work for a worship conference at our church this weekend, but it has a good number of people at it that aren't from our church, in fact most aren't. As well as seminars all day and such that we have to set up for, there have been worship services at night as well, led by Robin Mark (not sure if you've heard of him and yes I"m name dropping). Anyway, the worship sets themselves I find myself not being able to engage very easily, which isn't all that out of the ordinary for me, but it's strange. However, the speaker, who is Paul Reid, the pastor at Robin Mark's church, is incredible. He's Irish (it makes sense, considering he's from Ireland), and he's fantastically funny but an incredible preacher as well.
He has some interesting thoughts and beliefs on life and I find myself fitting right in. This evening I was having trouble focussing and it allowed my mind to wander to all the reasons why I want to be mad at God. When it comes down to it, I'm just full of pride that I couldn't even recognize before. I knew I had some issues with pride, but it's showing itself pretty strong right now. I hate the stuff that comes up when God brings it up, not because it's at the surface or that it has to be dealt with and repented of, but mostly because it's been allowed to be a part of me for so long. That's where the sting comes.
God's been showing me (I think) how my attitude is often a "kicking and screaming" type of attitude. As if to say "Ok, I'll do it your way, but I'm going to make it as hard as possible." Well who's it hard on? Me. I'm not being cynical or over self-eroding, I'm just exploring this as it's fresh in my mind.
I'll likely end up writing more (strangely enough I wrote another post earlier saying I didn't have much to say anymore), but for now I must hit the hay, late nights and early mornings this weekend. 11 hours of work today in a 16 hour period, likely similar tomorrow.