Thursday, June 01, 2006

I got a lot of leavin' left to do....

Dierks Bentley said it well...although his song was referring to a guy who just wasn't ready to settle down yet. I'm leavin' to go somewhere to begin "settling down." It's not at all like I used to imagine when I was younger. Yes, I used to imagine what it would be like to actually be some place and have a family and all that jazz. I still do as a matter of fact.
There seems to be a few things missing from that picture that was once painted inside my mind. There's a companion missing, not just a wife but a woman to share my life with, maybe I haven't even met her yet, maybe I have, who knows. Although at this point in time, I'm not at the place where that's even possible in my mind, there's still some healing and growth that needs to happen, I think. There's no children in the picture yet either. It's not quite what I had originally planned, that's for sure, but the interesting thing is, I'm more than ok with it that way. I struggle with the lonliness factor at times, it's a frightening thing to have nobody to "come home to." But those things come at the right time, never the wrong one.
I admire any woman who has ever held interest in me, I'm a tough nut to crack and a difficult person to be around sometimes, it would take a lot of patience. Although I do think a few of those things have slightly changed within the last little while, at least it seems that way.
I was saying to a very good friend the other day how I've been noticing how much things can change and how much you can learn in just a 24 hour period. It's insane really.
I have learned so much about God, myself, life, other people, etc. in the last 6 or so weeks than I have in a very long time.
It's interesting how with all that has happened in my life in the last 2 months, I can look back over the last year especially and see God's hand in my life, even though I could not see it before.
Something very significant has changed within me, it's such a great experience. There are things that if given the chance, I would "redo", knowing how I've hurt people, but even those people have displayed forgiveness, and that's cool too.
I'm so excited for life, to see what's going to happen in the next few days, months, years. I hope and pray I will be able to look back on this period in time and remember in vivid detail how God has carried me, literally.

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