Monday, October 23, 2006

The heart of God

I have been lead by the Spirit to be thinking about those in other countries, those (for lack of a better term) less fortunate than myself. I don't believe that I'm just supposed to "think" about these things, I fully believe that I need to do something about it, but I feel so useless. My heart aches to step up to the challenge and serve these people and I'm sure I'd gain far more from them than I could ever give. But I feel debilitated, like I don't have "enough" to help anyone out. I feel somehow insecure about my own status.
And here's where I rip apart my own thoughts and say "just do it" (much unlike Nike), I need to actually show that I care, cause if I don't do something about it then it's clear that I don't care.
My heart aches, so I should "follow my heart", and more importantly follow the heart of God himself to do everything within my own power (and maybe even some things outside of my power) to see that I'm giving myself, money, time, energy, essentially whatever it is that I have to do so.
Here's my struggle...as I'm sure many people in North America and the rest of the Western world have experienced before...I'm selfish! I confess that. Not only that, but I'm ashamed of it. I hate the fact that I consistently choose to put myself before other people, in the small things as well as the bigger things. Sure I'm getting better at tithing (a long time struggle for me), but if that's what I do and I have more left over does that entitle me to the rest? Well where did the money come from in the first place? I sure didn't come from me! It definitely didn't come from my 'hard work'. It came from God. And being a pastor, if I try to claim it for myself, there's something not quite right. Every so often God sits me back and reminds me that absolutely everything I have comes from Him, I would literally have nothing were it not for God.
So why is it that I am still so greedy? Cause I like stuff. I like comfort. But how can I sit in comfort when even a close friend of mine wonders if he'll have enough money to make it this month? Maybe it's a lesson for me to learn (I know it is) and maybe that's a lesson for him to learn to, I can't say, I don't teach the lessons I just receive them.
This is what's on my mind tonight, I sit here in frustration of sorts, restless/feeling helpless as to what I need to do. I can make excuses far better than I can come up with solutions. I want to be a part of the solution instead of the problem, cause it's a big problem.
Bono is using his money and fame to pull strings and do everything he can to help out people in Africa, I respect that greatly. I want to do all that I can (though not nearly as much sway as Bono) to aid in all "causes" of the world. If I'm a representative of Christ, how do I ignore it? I can't!

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Perhaps the issue is that your making something huge out a small task. charity comes from a willing joyfull heart. You know, boy with the fish and loaves kinda thing. Dude didn't think he was changing history by giving his lunch, just trying to be helpful. I've always found that when i give myself to ministries that bring me joy, such as Operation Christmas Child, that giving is easy and a small task.~Joe

Troy said...

The smaller stuff's all well and good, I need to continue to work on that too. But I can't help but think about the bigger things, the issues of the world, and maybe on a more personal level, the issues of the North American church, that need to be addressed. It starts with the shoeboxes at Christmas and buying food for the hungry, etc. I think a willing, servant's heart is where you start too. Maybe I'm just getting all cranked up about something that is yet to come in my lifetime, that I may get to be a part of, who knows.

Shle said...

very good thoughts my friend.

michelleloeppky said...

I have been reminded lately that being faithful in the little things is a prerequisite to being put in charge of the big things. I think that your heart is in the right place, and so long as you keep desiring to bring about positive change in the little things, that the big things will come in time. Be careful not to judge "big" and "little" by our terms though ... God has a difference scale.